Was I Considered a Troubled Teenager

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Trouble teenager

I tend to think my teen years were troubling, but then don’t most of us? Was I really considered a troubled teen, and how can Jesus be seen through my teen years?

me with grandpa

I am being held by my Grandpa with three of my Uncles around him.

How did I go from this sweet and innocent young child pictured here with her grandpa and uncles? What happened that sent me into spiraling violent fits? As my memories are not clear I will try to explain it to the best my ability.

Yes, I call my temper tantrums violent fits. What I remember feeling in my youth was fear, hurt, sadness, like I could do nothing right, I was ugly and no one liked me. I so wanted to fit in, to have friends. My worst enemy it seemed was my mother. I just could not listen to her.

But, the thing is, don’t most of us have similar feelings during their teen years? Why did I get so violent? So stubborn. It would get to the point my mother would tell me to go to my room and I would sit on the stairs while she spanked me with a wooden spoon. I still would not go.

Considered a Troubled Teenager

Now as an adult with the experiences I have had my mother and I tend to think I could have been diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome. My social skills were lacking and I had sensory triggers. I remember I used to love the sensation I would get from sucking on a metal spoon. When my emotions were overwhelming for me I would freeze and not be able to move at all. You couple this with lack of knowledge about anything autistic, a family that was trying to put itself together in the free love, sex, and experimenting with other religious society, I feel like I was a mess.

The only way I made it through to be who I am today is because I believe God kept putting this yearning for Him, for something more than what I could see around me into my heart. He knew what was going to happen before it happened. He did not stop some things from happening because He knew I needed to experience it to do His work.

Considered a Troubled Teenager
me-as-a-teen

I am standing in front of my mom and stepdad

Between my parents getting divorced about the time the above picture was taken and then having multiple siblings from both parents getting remarried, I did not feel part of either family.

I believe this is me with my mom and stepdad. I appeared happy here. But in this family, I had my stepdad, older stepbrother, and little half-brother. My step dad was a truck driver so he was not around much which left my mom to parent all three of us. My older brother had issues with drugs and my little brother, well he was just a baby. I remember only really feeling connected to my mom and being left out of a close relationship with my stepdad or brothers.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my mom, she was dealing with a very hard situation. My older brother on drugs and unwilling to listen to her, me fighting her tooth and nail and trying to care for my young brother all at the same time.

Considered a Troubled Teenager
me-with-a friend

I am sitting with my friend and siblings behind us

Now bring in my second family, my dad. Pictured here the blond is my friend who I will call Jan, my little brother standing between us and my little sister.

I lived most of my childhood with my mom until I was about 13 to 15. Because of circumstances at home, I decided I wanted to live with my real dad. By this time he had gotten divorced and was living as a bachelor.
My time with my dad was a mess. I never felt close to him, I would not let him hug me, I would see my brother and sister cuddling with him and I was too scared to join in. Some of it might have been the sexual abuse I suffered and never got help for. (that is until I reached out for help as an adult finally) I still had trouble listening and obeying but I do not remember as many fits with him. I was more scared than anything.

Considered a Troubled Teenager

Thing is, I needed to live with my dad. My dad was the only Christian out of all my parents. He would take me to church every week. Jan above is from a Christian family, many of dad’s friends were Christians and I became friends with their children. I finally started to feel connection and acceptance from others.

It is in that United Methodist Church with Pastor Sarazin that I found God. I do not remember the specific sermon, but I do remember saying the salvation prayer with Pastor and really wanting the love of Jesus in my life. The youth group in the church had a major influence on my life. The Youth pastor who is now a doctor got me through much of my troubles.

Considered a Troubled Teenager

It was this youth pastor that helped me decide at about age 15 I needed to move back in with my mom and stepdad. I had shared with him everything about living with my other family. But, we both decided it was time. You see I have bad knees. I first injured my knees when I was out caroling with my mom and I slipped on ice. My knee popped out of joint. Living with my dad as I got older both knees would pop out just by walking down the street.
My real dad could never hold a job, not a regular job and especially one that gave him insurance to cover him and me. (my young siblings were living with their mom at the time.) My knees were getting so bad that dad did take me to a doctor and it was decided I needed surgery. My youth pastor helped me to see that my stepdad could cover my surgery with his insurance. So, it hurt my dad terribly, but I did not want to bankrupt him. I moved back home to mom and stepdad.

Considered a Troubled Teenager

Another transition in my life, another major change. So much happened in the next few years that are better told in next weeks post. Just to say, I now knew Jesus, was a baby Christian moving back in with atheist parents. I finally knew what it was to be accepted and loved for who I was and that would carry me through the next adventures.

If this touched you or if you feel if others need to read this please do share this post. If you need someone to pray and talk with you I am here.

If this touched you or if you feel if others need to read this please do share this post. If you need someone to pray and talk with you I am here.

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Outside sources

Resources for Parents of Troubled Teenagers
Parent Resource for Guiding Troubled Teens Through Life’s Challenges

 

 

2 comments

  1. You are welcome. It is my goal to let God shine through the experiences in my life. There is so much more. I just want people to know that even though bad things happen life with Christ can get you through it.

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