Separated But Not Divorced, That Is Our Truth Now

separated but not divorced
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Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”

Mark 10:9 New International Version (NIV)

As we saw in the beginning of my relationship with my husband God put us together. I do not believe in coincidences. I know God has His hands on everything that is going on in our lives. He allows things to happen because we are a stubborn bullheaded people. But, His plans, He always makes them work out. So, now my husband and I are separated but not divorced.

separated but not divorced

The next several years were hard. I felt like I needed to work again because our income was cut in half with my husband gone. We moved into the house thinking that we would have the two income family. But now we were down to just mine. I knew I could get a job, I was always successful at doing that. But being successful and working while having kids at home I never was able to carry through with that.

The job I found was working in another group home for developmentally delayed adults. I loved the job, my coworkers. This time around my special needs children were older teens. My twin boy was very good and loving with his new baby brother. I thought I could save on sitter money and have him watch his brother. What I did not take into account was how he and his twin sister would fight while I was at work. I eventually ended up taking my baby to a babysitter after all.

separated but not divorced

During the first several months or years, I forget, the courts did not let me have any contact with my husband. The only person I could talk to was my mother in law. Her and I started to get to know each other better. I was so distraught I would call her all the time to send messages to my husbands and ask her what was going on with him legally. He did eventually end up being convicted and went through court mandated therapy and probation. Now we deal with the label of sex offender and all the stigma that entails.

Just an add on here. His conviction, through the years. His therapist and probation officer all say he is not dangerous to society. In the Western State we live in they classify sex offenders in three levels. 1,2,3. Level three are the most dangerous offenders, my husband is level one. He now has an attorney who thinks she can get his conviction expunged or at least in a way that it will not hold us back so much. As many know in America, no one wants a convicted sex offender living near them. So, his conviction is what stops us from living together for the most part now.

separated but not divorced

The beginning of these years I was so hurt, so angry. How could my husband have betrayed me in such away. Basically trying to cheat on me with my own daughter. How could I have allowed my kids to be hurt once again? On top of it being a working single mother. When I could finally talk to my husband on the phone we did a lot of yelling and fighting. There were many times both he and I would threaten divorce.

God was working on all of us during these years. Changing us to who He needed us to be when He finally does put my husband and I together again. Each time we would threaten divorce my husband and I would each go to God in our own ways. God would renew the love that He put in our hearts. We would get along for awhile, pray together. Then a fight would happen. God even worked on my in laws hearts during these years too.

separated but not divorced

Now, after much prayer, fighting, and not sure if our marriage would survived we could not love each other more. I always held on to that vision God gave me that I would be serving the Lord with my husband living in our own home. It may have taken his real dad dying but I see it happening some time soon. Maybe within the next year. We still are not sure where, but we will have access to my husband’s inheritance to buy our own home. Plus his attorney helping with the inheritance money fighting to open even more doors for where we can live. We never asked her to do that, never thought it possible. But she is looking into it.

I know my husband goes to a Salvation Army Corp Church that is tiny, only a handful of people show up to church every Sunday. I went there a couple of times when visiting my husband. There is so much we could do for the Lord through them. How the Lord could use our past, my past experiences to help other women living through similar lives.

On top of it all there is a new manufactured home park being built near my in law’s house. (my husband lives with them since his conviction). It would be perfect if we could get one of the homes there. It would be like God taking back what evil stole from us, what we stole from ourselves. At one time we thought we would be buying his dad’s home. But because his conviction the park owner would not allow us to live there. But now with his dads money and his attorney we may be able to move into the park just a few blocks from his mom. Plus the home would be a brand new, newly built home!

I do not know if that is where God would put us, but where ever we end up being, we know it will be God opening the doors. We made so many poor decisions, we closed so many doors that humanly would be impossible for us to open again. I know God will take back what evil stole from us. We will serve the community through the home.

separated but not divorced

Until then though my husband calls me every morning. We study about the Bible, I read him my posts on my blog, we pray and start the day out. Then we call each other several times throughout the day just to talk and pray. His mom has become my best friend and sometimes we joke that my husband married his mom. Her and I are much alike and when need be we help each other in taking care of my husband. (his brain injury is more disabling for him than mine is for me.)

One day, maybe sooner than we think, that vision God gave me on the day of my husband’s conviction, is going to come true. Where we live will be God’s home because He is the one who made everything come together. Every time we tried to make things work out it failed. It is true, what God puts together no one, nothing can separate. He calmed down all the sexual tension between my husband and I. It took many years because of our stubbornness but both of our sexual issues are a non issue. My past abuse and his overactive sexual drive. My husband respects my daughters boundaries and feels terrible for what he did. Only God could have brought about such changes and healing.

The plan is that when I and my husband move in together my daughter will finally move out on her own. We will never force her to live with my husband again. We respect her wishes and her feelings. She has a good job and will be able to survive. I will always be around to help her if need be. So then it would be my husband, our son and I. Courts say that my husband is safe to be around kids, around his son. That was decided many years ago. We just do not force him on my daughter.

separated but not divorced

For now, this is the end of this series of my testimony. I will add to it when God finally allows us to move into His home together. I will write about God’s glory in what and where He puts us finally. As none of it will be what we did, but what God did through all our sins. How He will bless so many others through our past.

I hope through this series you see how God can use anything and everything you live through to bring about His plans. To bring glory to Himself. If you need to talk or pray I am here. Just reach out and let me know.


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