Raising Kids God’s Way and Failing At It In A Big Way

Raising Kids God’s Way
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Raising Kids God’s Way

Now at this point in my testimony, or you could call it life story God provided us a home. I decided that the resources in this west coast state was worth staying for. Each of my children had services in the schools that centered on what they needed. My counselor was a wonderful listener and could help me plan how to survive. I started to get to the point of knowing I could raise my children on my own. I wanted to be raising kids God’s way, but once again I had no idea how.

Also after the trauma of J kicking us out I was scared to associate with anyone let alone any male again. I trusted my counselor though, I knew he was paid to help me. I was determined to isolate myself and my kids from anyone else that could hurt us. I decided that unless they were professionals I could not afford to have them in our lives. It was a lonely existence but it was done out of fear and desperation.

Raising Kids God’s Way

During these years I had three kids two on Individual Education Plans and one on a 504 plan in school. What this means is that the schools were contracted to provide individual level of care for each of my children. But it also meant an endless list of meetings with teachers and specialists. Then also home help to help my kids and I to learn how to function together. It all kept me busy and a sense of connection to someone and something.
But, as my kids got older and stronger I found I could not handle them. My oldest son was very violent. I could not tell him no, or something to do or he would hurt me or his siblings. There were a few times I had to call the cops to get help in controlling him. I think I was physically restraining him almost daily. To keep him somewhat calm I would allow him to have the computer all the time. It finally got to the point that I started to break.

Raising Kids God’s Way

I knew I needed more, my kids needed more than just what the professionals could provide. I started to look into a church I could take my kids to. The sad thing is that none of the churches could handle having my kids behavior in their walls. I got to one point I started calling local churches instead of just showing up on Sunday. I would ask them if they thought they could help me with my kids. Every single one turned us down. I got to the point of stop trying to seek help from God.

This is when I had my emotional breakdown. The professionals were helping some, but after work hours I was on my own. I knew no one and I did not let anyone in. When I tried they all rejected us. I got so low in my depression and anxiety I could not care for the apartment or my kids anymore. One day I sent my kids to school and then sat outside and reached out to my kids counselor. I told her to keep my kids I can’t do this anymore.

Raising Kids God’s Way

She came to get me and took me to the ER to try to get me on some depression medication. That is when she saw our living conditions and started emergency meetings for us. We were in crises, I could not function at all. Because I tried so hard to get the services for my kids, always had food, Child protective services saw me as a mother who needed help. They did not just take my kids away, but worked hard to come up with a plan to help.

I was numb, and lost. I felt no way out. Finally they saw that as long as my oldest son was in my care I could not help the other two. They talked me into letting him be placed in foster care/group homes. He was just too much for my brain injured self to help. Then they left my twins with me and helped me find a new apartment for us to live in as we trashed our original one.

Raising Kids God’s Way

The first home my son was placed in abused him. This devastated me in every way. Here I cannot even protect my own kids. But, the state stepped in and moved him, took the couples license away. It took another several years for the different group homes to help my son break through his pain and violence. But he did calm down about the age of 16, that meant 6 long years of not knowing if he could make it in the world. But, now I see letting him go as a positive thing. He is such a wonderful young man at the age of 26. He works, takes the bus and has a girlfriend.

Back to my twins and I. We moved to a new apartment and my counselor helped me to break out of my shell a bit. I had this God need but I knew no churches accepted us. All but the Mormon Church. One of the good things about the Mormons is that they are family oriented. The seemed ready and willing to take us in and help me with my kids. Eventually my twins were even baptized into the religion.

Raising Kids God’s Way

How I broke free of the Mormons is for the next installment in my story. It begins with meeting who is now my second husband.

Outside sources

Understanding IEPs
The Difference Between IEPs and 504 Plans

2 comments

  1. Katiedash
    As usual your story grabbed me. I have had only a few of the challenges you discussed in this installment, just enough for me to be in awe of your courage and faith.
    I’m eagerly waiting to read the next portion.
    As always, thank you for sharing with us.
    Jill

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