My Poor Scattered Brain How I Miss My Healthy Brain

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Scattered Brain

#specialneedskids #traumaticbraininjury #frontallobedamage

It is true how you take things for granted. Then when it is damaged or lost for good it is so missed. I never realized just how much my brain did for me. Your brain is who you are, it regulates everything in your body. It gets damaged you are never the same. After that fateful car accident in 1988 my scattered brain took a long time to function properly.

The frontal lobe is the part of the brain that controls cognitive skills of the body. These cognitive skills include the emotions, memory, problem solving skills, judgment, language and sexual behavior.

As explained in my last writing for my testimony I broke the windshield with the front of my head. This was diagnosed as left frontal lobe brain injury. I am considered mildly brain injured, but for me it is severe. For my kids even worse. For my marriages devastating.

My scattered brain symptoms

Cognitive skills, I had to relearn everything. In the hospital I had occupational, physical, and speech therapy. Learn now to function in every day life. Remember to do hygiene, what to do when to do things each day. How to talk, I would call my closest family members by their full names. I had to relearn the loving familiar names of mom, dad, sister, brother etc. Cognitive? Remembering what I learned in school was lost forever. My car accident happened maybe weeks after I graduated high school. Trying to learn things new took a long time to stick. College, ya never successful for me. High college loans with no college degree.

Emotions, ya, emotions. My control over my emotions was out the window for many years. Especially my first marriage. Being a baby Christian I did not know how to seek God in any of this. I found out long after I divorced my first husband he also has brain damage. Us together with young children was not a good mix. I would worry all the time, I was volatile in that I would through things at him. He could not hold a job so trying to pay bills and feed our babies was always a stress. My kids ended up in the middle of our fights many times. I left him several times just to go back because I was scared of being a single mother.

When I did finally leave him I had to move back home. That is the only way I felt like I could stay out of the relationship. I am now living with my mom, step dad and three babies diagnosed with special needs. I think a lot of my fear of being a single mother was my problem solving skills were out the window. It is hard for me to think on the fly, and having three kids all under the age of 5 a lot of spontaneous things happen all at the same time.

Some how I was able to stay employed, the structure and coworkers made it so I could function. At home though, cleaning, caring for my kids, planning, emotions, it all overwhelmed me. I felt so lost, my kids never had a stable mom, but I was the only one that was determined to be there for them. I finally found our own home for us in another state living near my real dad.

It was during those couple years that I finally got my oldest and my daughter diagnosed with aspergers syndrome. My oldest son was very violent and I did not know how to help him. I am sure he was just as lost and confused as I was. My daughter, well a girl diagnosed with aspergers is a whole different set of symptoms. She was more passive aggressive just like I was when I was young. If she got overwhelmed she would just sit frozen. She still does this as an adult to some degree.

When my daughter was sexually abused by some neighborhood boys is when I really lost it. I had enough in me that I prosecuted the boys. But I no longer felt safe. I did not feel like I could protect my children there anymore. I needed to escape, and I felt I needed a man to help me raise my kids and keep them safe. I met someone in an online Traumatic Brain Injury chat room. Of course he had a brain injury too….but the way he talked I felt like he was the answer.

My scattered brain results

This relationship took me across the country to the west coast. I grew up in the Midwest, my three adult kids were born in the Midwest. I had never seen the ocean in my life. But, in the hopes finding some security and safety of a man went west. Even though my impulse control was out the window in making this choice, it was out of love for my children I did it. We are now two hours from the ocean. We have been here for 18 long hard years. God was behind it all and I will discuss that in my next post on my testimony.

Outside sources
A Brain Injury and Frontal Lobe Damage
Frontal Lobes
Brain InjurySupport Group Links
Brain Injury Association of America


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